Of all the season in a year, I bet everyone is always excited with Christmas or so I think. For me excitement feeling has gradually change from "most to just okay".
Childhood or Elementary years. There was always that feeling that something nice was about to happen. I looked forward to classroom party, the exchanging of gifts, the Christmas vacation, the receiving and giving of gifts from friends, the opening of presents from mama and papa, the house party on the twenty-fourth with neighbors and relatives financially made possible through amot-amot (agreed amount of contribution to come up with a certain figure) or sometimes (but most of the time though) shouldered by our parents, the family bonding by going to the downtown departments stores in Colon, staying for a while in Plaza Independencia or going to the church, so on and so forth. I guess what mama said that Christmas is for children is true.
Highschool years. I was still excited. Excited for classroom party to happen. I would be able to wear my supposed lady-like outfit, sort of show off to my classmates that I'm blossoming and my figures as well (oh, shame on me..... ehehehhheeh) and to my crush as well (?). Still there was the neighborhood and relatives Christmas party (this was later part when my papa was with us already), the gift giving and receiving, etcetera. I guess the additional significant activity was attending the Simbang gabi (which I had never completed heheehee) and the midnight Christmas mass with my cousin Glenda and some company I already forgot. One thing for sure was I was with cousin, Glenda, who was always been my closest. As far as I can remember my family hadn't attended mass together ever since my papa went abroad. My mama I think, was too engrossed in her missing-my-papa emotion that she opted to sleep on the twenty-fourth to pass the merry occasion. I could just remember one Christmas eve after attending the mass that I arrived in our house so dark and silent because my mama and my sisters were already asleep. Our supposed noche buena food were already in the fridge. So I just slept after I tasted mama's fruit salad. That was just it, so simple and nothing merry happened. On the other hand, somehow I think, I was also excited that the year was about to end and that soon I'll be more grown-up then I can have a boyfriend already hahahahahahahah!!!!!!. Mama once told me that I can enter in our relationship when I would be in college but later on she took it back but I insisted and the rest is another story.
College years. I was just feeling that Christmas was just around the corner but there wasn't that much to be excited of. I gradually realized that Christmas was just indeed for a child. I missed my classroom party. You know how college life is, so independent. There's no party unless you and your friends organized one and I wasn't into a barkada (as usual) so I didn't have a party to attend. Oh, wait! There was a time in my freshmen year that my supposed barkada or block section friends headed by Brian organized a little party but I decided not to attend because I didn't have extra money to spare for the incidental expenses. So still no party for me. hehehehe...... but Brian was very good enough to head the group into giving me a Christmas card with their greetings written on it. It was very nice of them and thank you Brian! (even though I know our friendship will never be back to what we used to before because of my damn pride). Other than that, It was just enough for me to give greetings cards to my few dearest friends. I had my first time boyfriend then but as if none because both of us weren't allowed yet. So it was illegal to be seen together and later on our relationship ended in God's time (I believed it to be so). Later my second and last boyfriend came, so Christmas was just spent going out somewhere, sorry I forgot where we went (..heheheh) but for sure mall was part of it. This time my papa was already around with us, so we already had our noche buena and we were able to attend midnight Christmas mass together. That was fun then!
As I grow mature in life, Christmas excitement feeling has just become okay. Even the company Christmas party didn't made me excited. I think because of my job pressure I hadn't given much thought of Christmas. Spending Christmas with my family and my boyfriend (then husband) had just made my Christmas to be it. Life back then took a spiral turn when something happened to my sis, Jenny. The story is too long to tell. It was getting more serious (literally drama to put it) and challenging but with the arrival of Josh it then again was fun since there was now a child in the family. So whenever Christmas would arrive, Christmas feeling was then again just okay.
Married life came. This time Christmas excitement was I think no more? hhhmmmm..... let me think. Early part of this stage of my life I think I felt not excited of Christmas except that I enjoyed shopping for gifts and wrapping it. It gave you (and always has been) a nice feeling to give Christmas gifts. I was thankful to God for the blessings and specially for giving me my loving husband. My Pangga and I visited and ate Christmas foods prepared by our extended immediate families. On Christmas day (sponsored by us), we with our extended immediate family strolled the mall, ate in a restaurant and played in the game zone. My husband and I were just happy to see our nephew running around the mall. Our nephew then were the immediate direct receiver of our affection while we were desperately trying and waiting for our baby. I believe back then that every year was always an excitement of hoping that our baby was soon to come.
With much effort and deep prayers, our baby was born. This time I have never been happier and excited for Christmas. I just don't know. Shopping around for gifts has always been my activity but even this, it gives me more happiness than usual. I am excited to do my gift-wrapping coupled by the fact that I have to do it in hiding so that the recipient in our house won't be able to know. Maybe because I consider gift-giving as sort of being grateful to God for all the blessings He has showered on us and most especially thanking Him that we have now our little bundle of joy. Having our baby Jaiden is our ultimate Christmas gift from Him and the giving of gifts is my sort of return thank you to Him.
Even though our baby is just five months old this coming Christmas, I feel so excited and I think for our baby as well. Jaiden now very much enjoy watching the blinking Christmas lights in our yard and in our little Christmas tree but I hope he'll be able to surpass the blast sounds of fire crackers on Christmas eve. Oh! How I dread that moment to happen. I just hope he won't be traumatized by it. He now is very playful, so with him around there's much reason to be excited and happy this Christmas. Our Christmas then will be Merrier!
Oh! I think my Christmas gift is coming? Now this is also another good reason to be excited ! .... more blog (or so I hope) will be made. Would it be okay to say Thank You Ga! and Merry Christmas in advance? =)
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