Jaiden's Buwan ng Wika

Nights before this morning, we were so excited to see our little boy's first-on-stage performance. He showed us his few steps of dance in front of us. He was so amusing to look at. Though in the past few days as they got serious in their practice, he would complained by saying "don't like to go to school?", meaning he was no longer excited to go to school which was a deviation from his normal mood every time he woke up. In fact yesterday after our daily tour of him (riding in our car) around the subdivision before we go to work, he had a few seconds of hide and seek when his yaya fetched him to have his bath because again he didn't want to take and bath because he didn't want to go to school.  We managed to ignore his pleas. Somehow he went through his school dry run practice yesterday without a problem.

However, this morning, when his papa and I arrived in his school he started whining and chanting "don't like?", just the same complain and he got this worried look in his face. At this moment, deep inside, I had a bad feeling of Jaiden's mood.

 We found his teacher Ivy and he took hold of him to let him join his classmates who were already forming their line, waiting for their turn to present. For about ten minutes Jaiden was out of my sight (by this time, the crowd is getting thicker). I searched his face in several line of boys' heads but I failed. Until I saw his teacher holding a boy's hand who seemed to also searched for somebody and then our eyes met. He was actually holding Jaiden's hand and I realized that she was actually looking for me. I then saw Jaiden's whining face. So I went to them. His teacher asked me to have Jaiden for a while to ease up his feelings and just get back when Jaiden would be okay.

In a few minutes, the program started with a doxology with student performers. The mic and the background sound were so loud. Then my dreaded anticipation happened. Jaiden started to cry slowly and then there it went, so loud. He literally cried so loud with his eyes closed. He was so helpless that my also helpless consolation gestures didn't work. I texted hubby to come over to us hoping he might help alleviate the situation. However, Jaiden got worse crying over his shoulder. During this time, still the loud sound of the program engulfed us. We felt the need to stay away from the place to calm him. 

We found the farthest classroom. We comforted him there and his cry gradually subsided in just a few minutes and stopped. It was right there and then that we realized that Jaiden would surely not perform. So I went to his teacher to inform which initially didn't accept the fact. She said to let him calm but I told her how hysterical Jaiden was. So I didn't give her any false hope.

Going back to our comfort zone, I just took what was left of us to do. It was too early for us to went home anyway. 

We have to have at least souvenir pics of Jaiden's attire which his papa bought from Kultura in SM.

In below pics, his papa played with him and from time to time lured him in going out of the classroom just in case he would feel comfortable of himself and would join his classmates that were still waiting to perform. But Jaiden was wised enough. He never went out of the classroom instead enjoyed himself running around inside.

However, when their folk dance tune was played, he at least showed us this..........

Realizing that he was dancing to their dance tune, we immediately recorded his performance. At least even if he wasn't on the stage, we still saw him dance somehow.

I think it was the unexpected or not used to thick crowd, the loudness of the mic of the emcees and the loudness of the performers' tune that cowed Jaiden to perform. I hope next time, he would do better. For the meantime, I gave him the excuse of still being a three-year-old child.

I love you my son! Your mama and papa will forever by your side to support you in all your endeavors. 'Till your next performance, my son!!!

Moving On

Once my friend told me, that according to her favorite actress, that "you have to be alarmed if you're already too comfortable in your zone because it means that you're no longer learning".  As I understood it, it's one of her reason why she decided to work here in Cebu in spite of her father's protest. The saying stayed in my mind.

It seems surreal that I'm almost two months of my new adventure. It has been such a goal and determination to be in it which I would admit that once I was in there, it was really hard, especially at the start. I was on the verge of entertaining the thought of giving up but then I realized that it was probably too early yet to surrender. Maybe because it had been such a long time that I forgot how was it being pressured. But then, I consoled myself by asking, "isn't this what I wanted?"Am I not living what I had been praying?

I believe it's a normal thing to want more in life. Although money is always the determining factor but in my case, it's not. I felt the need to be challenged, to be of self-worthy, to be needed, to achieve something daily, to spend more time with my family on weekends and  much more is to be there for my son when there's a call for it.

To achieve our want and being in there is to strive hard to cope up with the new challenges that comes with it. It's like jumping on another bridge and trying to calm down the movement you have created wherein possibilities of rejection is inevitable. You're balancing things and get to be acquainted with the new environment.

I don't think that everything in this world comes easy. You always have to work hard to get your want until again you reached the point of your comfort zone and then it goes on and on because LIFE is just simply ROUND.